Ok, Tom here. I have just awoken from another 5 hour nap. I have been burning up constantly due to a fever it has been amazing... And the fever has been caused by: (drum roll please) TEETHING!!!! AHHHHHHHH That's right my fans, yours truly has been teething. The dentist so kindly informed Shea" Oh you will have plenty of room for your wisdom teeth!" Here I thought this was just another way I was cooler than the average American in my demographic but not. It is suddenly so clear WHY EVERY GODDAMN AMERICAN HAS THEM REMOVED!!! I wish my fever was due to something exotic like bird flu or west nile, or some rare disease I caught from one of the Christian Kids that may have returned from some missionary trip! But no! I am burning up due to a molar the size of a quarter wedging itself through my gums up into my mouth!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! Can you tell I don't feel good and the world is out to get me! And Huck has been no help. After minutes of nicely asking him to be my slave while we were sick, he just laughed and told me to go to sleep!!!! Oh Sleep huh Huck? Well you sleep! And Sleep with one eye open. I only asked for a simple walk to the Big K that is conveniently placed within walking distance for a few teething goodies. When babies teeth Mommy is there to Provide. When Shea Shea teethes. He is left with no one! I might die. I will let you know. Hopefully some gay cocktails will work. I am about to muster up the strength to go to the shower and then look cute. It may be hard to look cute with one side of my face as big as Sloths from the Goonies. Oh well if I am approached tonight while teething and swollen. That man will soon be Mr. Tom Sawyer!!!! What courage to think a swollen pissed off ogre is sexy enough to approach!!! Cross your fingers I am off into the teeny weeny Gay area of Harrisonburg aka one bar! I think I may have a new pick up line! Hi My name is Shea. I am on a national tour and I am teething! Your place or mine?
Wear clean underwear!